Its settled then.. Im leaving.. Who knows for how long. I certainly do not. I've even stopped trying to think that part. Things have gotten a little weird in all the relations i'm currently sharing. Partly due to the knowledge that i'd miss them and partly coz i refuse to openly acknowledge it. I'd prefer to delay that feeling till the excitement of going to dat new place is huge enough to drown it out.
I think im doin ok so far. I only hope to remain so. I hope dat I don't change there.. that i still remain some1 whom i'd recognise...

Whenever im asked to talk about the worst books i've ever read the 2 books that immediately pop up are 'The Inheritance of loss' and 'The Alchemist'. I never managed to get past the first chapter of the former and i had to drag myself on all fours to complete the latter. And so every time anyone mentioned The Alchemist i'd burst out laughing. But surprisingly i never quite met anyone else who shared the same emotions for it. Most people around seem to have nothing but praises for 'The Alchemist', including my mom. They say something bout it helping them realize the true philosophies of life and helped them through many a rugged patches.
Part of the reason i feel i hate the book is coz i hate being told how to live my life. All this talk of ambition and hard work i find really boring. Not coz i'm arrogant or so, not as far as i know, but den i don like any1 messing around with my line of reasoning and bring about any unwanted deviations in there. But then thats me. And not everyone could be me. So all i could do is empathize with the other guys and move on with my life. After all not everyone requires a head on collision with a brick wall before they realize they were wrong.

I have lived all my life this far with the belief that friends played no major a role in my life and that it was common for them to keep moving in and out of it. It was an illusion obviously, coz i've always had this fixed circle of friends right from schooling till my engineering. And so i never bothered wondering what i'd do without them. As far as i was concerned, i was perfectly capable of leading my own solitary existence and maybe even dreamed of living one. Funny how much my perspectives changed. Now that we've graduated from engg., everyone is branching off in different directions in search of their respective careers and suddenly this realization hits me hard, right across my face.
I realise how crippled i've become without those huge support systems i unconciously had, hidden deep somewhere in the crevices of my emotional well being. The blows never came all at once. One by one they all left and I've stayed behind. And its the ones who stay behind that feel it the most. And now i find myself dangling from just two threads one of whom would be severed when i'd leave for the US. And the other would also be too far away for comfort out there. Feels very weird to be in this current state of mind. I'm shocked at how much i thought bout them even without realising it. I feel bad that i never realised it while they were around. And also that sense of loneliness i feel everytime i feel that urge to have that cup of coffee at bombay chat, everytime i sit in the car while going out on some errands, everytime i think of all those discussions bout our futures, everytime theres a powercut at home and the phone doesn't ring, everytime i see that basketball lying around in my room. We would all meet, definitely, maybe 5 years down the line maybe more. But things mightn't feel the same. I would have learnt to cope up with this by then and probably our priorities would also have changed. I have had a very happy life so far thanks to all u guys. Ill try to keep it that way as long as i could.

Beliefs... Crap!!!!

Phew!!!! I am famished... Theres stuff going around everywhere that makes my head spin like a wheel..

News says- Palestine executes two Israeli soldiers.
Immediate reaction- Bad. Inhuman. Animals.
News- Israel attacks Lebanon and Palestine in retaliation. Thousands die.
Reaction- Unjustified. Bad. Inhuman. Animals.
News- Hamas attacks Israeli settlements close to gaza. Many civilians wounded.
Reaction- Stupid. Retarded. Bad. Inhuman. Animals
News- Israel attacked Gaza. Cuts off all supply routes. Thousands in dire need of basic resources.
Reaction- Ruthless.Unjustified. Bad. Inhuman. Animals

Freak!!! Ive had enough of dis news shit. Lemme get outta here.. Maybe i'll go onto da internet. Spend some time checkin out chickas. Been a while since i've opened facebook. Ahh!! Some interesting topics on iThink.

Guy- Islams da worst religion i've ever known.
Girl- who are u to decide that? some of the clauses in islam are the best anyone could ever think up.
Guy- yeah?? clauses like beheading your enemies??
Girl- you guys are all perverted. You use your perverted knowledge to deface a religion.
Guy-Muslims treat women as slaves. Mohammad had black slaves.
Girl- I am a black muslim girl and i am not enslaved.
Guy- A Happy slave.. should've known better.
Girl- U racist freako. U are calling a black girl a slave. How primitive you are. You hypocrite.
Guy- Screw you girl. Try and understand da meaning of a happy slave first.
Girl- Oh.. so now you are even denying calling me a slave. Proof of your twisted mind....


Put a lid on it guys... Crap!!! I'm outta this thread.

Another opinion later..
Guy1- A girl was raped in a train for not wearing a veil. How pathetic muslims are.
Guy2- They are not real muslims.
Guy1- Stop dat 'real muslim' crap. That doesn't justify the incident nor deny the fact that they belong to islam
Guy2- That is so immature of you to blame an entire religion for the mistakes of some people.
Guy1- Kinda hard not to do dat when the mistakes are so wide spread and the victims are usually innocents. All you people are bloody hypocrites.
Guy2- There are so many muslims who sacrifice their lives for the good of humanity. Y don u ever stop to consider dat you bastard.
Guy1- #@%^%##$%%%
Guy2-&^%$#$%#$^&#&$

Ahh!!! Heads reeling already. Damn!!! Can't people ever come out of their religious and political interests for once and look at the world as a place of living things not opportunities???
I'm a hindu but i couldn't care less if someone insulted my religion. Not coz i feel da religion is bad or somethin. But coz i'd rather not fight over beliefs wen i knw dat each is gonna stand firm on his or her points of view. Any such argument would only lead to pointless waste of valuable time and energy. Trust me.. i'd rather spend dat time trying to impress some girls. Feels funny, but then maybe my sister did ve a point when she spoke about not embracing any religion at all. She doesn't like visiting temples. Says its things like these that start off the religious fundamentalism. She believes that. And its people with that belief who argue with and oppose all religious fundamentalists. So there you get another dose of arguments.

This whole discussion has taught me one thing. Beliefs of a person are the most influential factors in his doings. Some people believe that money is more important than innocent lives. They annex lands, wage wars, pit one religion against another & convince people that their religion has been disrespected. A common man believes that religion is the way to god and god is really the divine entity who has been and would continue working miracles in their lives. So he staunchly supports his religion, agrees to fight for it and considers any opportunity to do so as a service to god. The press believe in improving their TRPs, so they try to dramatize every incident so as to make them more interesting. The readers believe the press is right. So they feel bad, give a couple of sighs, turn their eyes heavenwards, shake their heads a couple of times in a resigned sort of way and carry on with their lives, coz they also believe that they are better off without getting into all this mess. And maybe i believe that i've finally got some interesting topic to write about in my blog, so out comes this post unaware of how good or bad it is. Hardly anyone reads it so no one left to carry on from there. The chain of beliefs ends here(Thankfully).

After that hopefully thought provoking and rather ironic declaration of beliefs, i guess its time to get to bed, cover myself up in blankets and have a nice sleep to help me forget everything i've thought up so far. Coz i'm lost again. No idea as to what the conclusion of all this is. And lets face it, Whats gonna change even if i ended up with some logical conclusion? Precisely.. Nothing.
Alter-ego -So that means that u believe in not having any beliefs?
me- yeah.. guess so. isn't that the most logical deduction?
Alter-ego - but isn't that a belief too??
me- erm... errrr... contradiction.. confusion.. things moving.. mind swirling.. head reeling.. wheels rotating.. suffocating.. bed beckoning.. Damn!!!! I don't care. i do not conclude anything. I only want some sleep. And that is precisly what im gonna get now.

And yeah. Before anyone bothers to point out certain arguments on Islam in the discussions written above, i'd like to declare that these are arguments that real people had on iThink. I neither support nor reject any of these arguments. Hardly care like i said above. And these were a couple of arguments i came upon. So it doesn't mean dat i'm biased against Islam and so im referring only to arguments against it. These just happend to be the latest topics there on iThink. I respect all religions and donot wish to hurt YAK YAK YAK YAK..... SNORE!!!!
oops!! sorry.. all dat yakking is pretty soporific... dropped off a bit..
Nyways.. I guess that shud take care of most of the objections ppl might have. But people do end up surprising you anyway. But again since no one reads my blog that shouldn't be an issue i guess.


YAWN!!!! Nighty night guys..

Dreams!!!

Hi.. Im back again. It surprises me beyond anything that i'm actually writing on two consecutive days. But then mebbe its just that i've got too many things going around in my mind and also the music i'm listening to (Staind and goo goo dolls... U ROCK!!!!) has convinced me that the issues are worthy enough of being written about in the blog.
I have been wondering all along about my future plans, about the field i must choose, the job i wished to get into and the place i wanted to settle in. But then I've realized that in all these aspects I've only been listening and considering what other people are telling me to do. Just weighing the suggestions as per their strengths and selecting the most optimum among them. But never did i consider as to what 'I' wished to do or where 'my' interests lay. Maybe because I'm either too scared to make decisions on my own (so if i screwed up i wouldn't want to be the one to be blamed) or maybe i've accepted that life isn't really about doing what you like doing but it's about doing what is right for you. That's a funny thought, coz after all what is the point of living if you really can't do what you want and are always bound by rights and wrongs. Then again, if doing whatever made people happy wasn't really in the interest of the greater population around then wudn't the world reach that doomsday many aeons in advance? Guess it all boils down to the 'It Depends on the kind of thing you like doing' rule. So let me start by trying to figure out(yeah 'figure out' coz i haven yet 'figured it out') what is it that i like doing.
Ok.. so what kind of a job is it that i like doing..? Actually thats a tough one.. Maybe i wouldn't mind working in school or something teaching kids and watching them grow up. Their innocence is really appealing. More like the place i'd like to be due to the obvious lack of politics there. I like to play by the rules and hate all the hand-round-the-neck paths everyone needs to take at some or the other point of life while working in a corporate world. I would also like to settle away in a countryside somewhere in Ireland or Scotland or someplace. A place surrounded by lush green grass and mountains. Maybe a forest also along that hill yonder. Also a small lake or river sticking around some where in the vicinity. Then i would like a jaw-droppingly pretty and brain-rackingly wise girl by my side.
Ok.. maybe i just asked the moon or maybe the entire solar system. It would be tough for even god to find a girl who satisfies both the criteria. But heck!!! We are discussing what i'd like. So we'll rule out practical possibilities here. All right.. back to the girl. I'd like to have a nice big house where the both of us could just sit in the evenings or during holidays and discuss any damn issue we could think of.
Maybe a slight alteration.. i'm not too much into talking. So i'd rather listen while she talks.
Then i'd like to have a dog. A sweet little thing thats too puny to even walk properly. And another one thats too large to be tethered to a leash. I wouldn't mind a squirrel also and also a python slithering around somewhere.. Big dog eat small dog and python eat squirrel.. :D just kidding. Again please ignore the obvious lack of practicality of this whole scenario and lets just assume that no one eats any one or thing.
And maybe wouldn't mind having super powers like superman. i could spend my nights fighting whatever devilish creation Lexy would come up with. And only my girl would know the secret... :P

OK OK.. Get back to the reason i'm writing this. Lets get this done with. After the girl and the house.. well i guess thats it. Not too interested in fancy bungalows or helicopters or private jets.
So to get this i could take up the post of a school teacher in scotland (or smallville.. :p) and wait for that girl. But now comes the important thing. How likely am i to follow this route? I know what i want and i know what i could get(maybe a 6 figure package when im done with my MS). Now the obvious question is do i have it in me to give up my present, sort of secured, life to go achieve something thats not so flashy but nevertheless keeps me happy. The obvious response from readers should be 'Yeah bro.. go get them'. But i'd beg to differ.

Lets try and get as practical about the thing as we possibly could. How long would it be before the whole novelty of this entire scenario runs off and i begin to look upon my life as normal. And when that happens i'm gonna probably stop appreciating every thing i've got. obviously, no one can appreciate the same thing all through their life. And when that happens, the very reason behind choosing this life is lost. If it was all about just passing life away, i'd very well do it in my monthly 6-figure life. No reason behind giving it all up for this one. So maybe i'd still go ahead with that corporate job of mine and have this life as a picture in my mind. A picture of hope that i'd probably live this life someday, a picture of something i cherish doing and a picture of something thats still so pure and novel. That way i'd atleast have something to keep my hopes going when everythings beyond comprehension. Guess that makes sense. I'd still try and live this life. But not yet. Maybe when i'm older and wiser and can learn to appreciate beauty eternally, then i would be ready and truly desrving for such a life.

The Passing

Its been a really long time since my last post. Never found time to write something. And when i did, never could think of a topic to write upon. Still can't think of anything to write about. So decided to just write in whatever came into my mind. Lets just start with the first thing i can catch hold of.
I'm done with engineering. I am now officially an 'Engineer'. It feels funny though, the thought that i'm actually an engineer. Gives me this feeling of being all grown up. Guess the reason is that as a kid i really admired engineers. An engineer sounded so cool and polished to me. Never really dreamt of becoming an engineering. Not too much into dreaming about goals and stuff.. Not yet developed enough for things like that. But then now that i'm professionaly qualified, i feel that the whole 'still growing up' phase is over after all. And whats ridiculous is even though i know the reason behind my emotions right now, i still am not able to stop them. I could land up a job with my degree and start working in an office. Something i'd spent most of my childhood dreaming about. A life free from books and studies. Where there are no teachers to reprimand you or no parents to wake you up early in the morning even on holidays and force you to study. Studies i still find distasteful. Thats something that would probably never change. But then i feel weird having almost done with it. I had enjoyed my engineering. Never had a blast of my life. But then i end up enjoying most things that aren't disastrous.
I spent my entire engg in the corner most seat of the class. Never bothered getting all too chummy wid da guys(and the girls also to an extent.. :p). Just the regular 'sup dude..?' and 'cool then' thing. Not because i'm a schizophreniac or somethin(atleast i don't think so.. 'Mental' mebbe but definitely not 'schizophrenic'.. :D ) But coz i felt like enjoying the action from the sidelines. More room to maneuver and more freedom from protocols. I already had my set of dependable friends. So i din't really feel all too left out and all. The place was cool... last row last bench last seat. Finished quite a few novels there whenever i wasn't playing the greatest game on desk.. 'pen-dash', not a very creative name i know but couldn't think up anything myself, with my bench mates. Had my winning moments and lost quite a few times. We listened to the ipod sneaking the ear plugs through our shirts and getting it out from behind the neck.. And sometimes the weather outside would make the entire scenery around the college look like a painters dream. Oh yeah.. tried my hand at painting too.. Never been a great artist but for some reason this one drawing came out reeeeal good... atleast in the photo. maybe bcoz of the green color i used or the size of the paper or the quality of the photo.. whatever it was, it came out cool.
Boy!!! Where am i going.. No idea of where i'm heading. Just plain lost. i can't even decide where to go. I am a true Libran after all.. Master of Confusion. But then who cares where i'm going. As far as i know i'm the only one who reads this blog and senselessness is good for me. guess ill try uploading that drawing of mine up here..

Ahhh!!!! Doesn't look all too great.. crappy actually.. but den its my art. spent an entire 'Management information Systems' class to make that up. If this is the best i cud do den i don't mind putting it up. Really loved the tree though.. came out cool..

A bit of Wisdom

I've had a startling revelation today. I've realized that there are not too many things in life one could continue doing without getting bored of. And the reason for this bit of wisdom is that I've practically seen the proof of this statement.
My sisters friend had come down from b'lore las sat (Man!!! seriously hot chick :D). And i being the official chauffeur around was hired by my sister to take her around the city. It so happens that i love driving or at least i thought i did. And probably i still would have continued to do so if my job was restricted to just taking her around. But my parents being my parents and my sister being my sister usually remember all their chores once the car's pulled outta the garage. So i'm finally a chauffeur who also doubles up as the errand boy and a one time drive ends up as a relay between the garage and the various stores around( which are neither too closely located for comfort nor helped by the fact that not all the chores are remembered at once :( )This means that i spent almost 8hrs of a day(went on for 2 days actually) just behind the wheel of the car which doesn't really seem too comfortable a place to be in for that long a period of time.
It is, thus, quite understandable that i don't feel like getting back behind the wheel for another month. This drastic variation in emotions really seems very weird to me. Its almost like 2 very opposite emotions in a span of two days. Boy!!!! Man is truly a very complex creature.
Now applying my theory of generality to this piece of wisdom, i reach the conclusion that the act of driving could always be replaced by any other such thing that i enjoy doing and even that would meet the same fate if i went on to do it regularly. After all the concept of loving something is also based on the condition that it isn't available all that easily. Otherwise it would cease to remain the thing u strive to do and turns into something ordinary and mundane. So does that mean that shouldn't do things I like doing? May be trying to keep the frequency low would help. This helps create that anticipation factor till the next time I get around doing it. I've realized that its the journey rather than the thing itself thats more enjoyable.
Or is it that the things i consider to be enjoyable are more vulnerable to being mundane or my very psychy tends to take things for granted very easily and that there maybe certain people who would be glued to their interest all through their life?
I'll never know until i find some proof that could substantiate this theory. And for that i'd probably have to wait a life time........

Finally There!!!

I've always been wanting to write. Irrespective of whether it was sensible or not, whether it was thought provoking or not, whether it helped make a better world or not. Various issues keep raking around in my mind at various points of time depending on my moods and, more often than not, influencing them. My moods i mean. Sometimes I'm all pumped up and all ready for battle. Then all of a sudden i go into this contemplative mood where i toy around with various issues like factors influencing world politics (Boy!!! Of all the things). And then i can also get into this mood i cal the 'satisfied saint thing' where i just think about all that i have and all that i don't need to do. This makes me really happy and satisfied with life. I sometimes spend hours on end just lying in bed and smiling to myself, plugged onto my music player, content flowing out of me by the gallons. Twenty years of this and I've realized one thing. My moods ain't really the most reliable of the lot. It was this piece of wisdom that kept me from making a blog before this. After all blogs are meant to be written into. Not just lie around collecting virtual dust. I was totally consumed by this deduction, happy to reach a consensus at least, when i happened to stumble into some of the other blogs written by a few other (now i have every right to call them so) fellow bloggers. And one of the more noticeable facts in them happened to be the frequency of writing. It overjoyed me to no extent when i realized that not too many could boast of 'regularity'. This discovery spurred me into finally making this blog. So I would like to thank all you fellow bloggers for 'roping me in'. Thank you all.
Now onto more pressing issues. The important question. What am i here for? Well.. The answer to that i don't yet know. But i surely ain't here for raising my voice against the crimes committed by humanity in the name of survival. Not yet at least. All i wish to do is try and comprehend the full extent of my thoughts and get a general idea of how complex i am. That is all i am content doing at the moment. I ain't no hero nor am i a prophet. For that would mean that there need be a villain or a devil to counter me. After all every equation needs to be balanced. So that also means that if u didn't like any of my blogs then I'm still not all too bothered. The reason could very well be that i was 'balancing' for some equally well written blog... ;)