Dreams!!!

Hi.. Im back again. It surprises me beyond anything that i'm actually writing on two consecutive days. But then mebbe its just that i've got too many things going around in my mind and also the music i'm listening to (Staind and goo goo dolls... U ROCK!!!!) has convinced me that the issues are worthy enough of being written about in the blog.
I have been wondering all along about my future plans, about the field i must choose, the job i wished to get into and the place i wanted to settle in. But then I've realized that in all these aspects I've only been listening and considering what other people are telling me to do. Just weighing the suggestions as per their strengths and selecting the most optimum among them. But never did i consider as to what 'I' wished to do or where 'my' interests lay. Maybe because I'm either too scared to make decisions on my own (so if i screwed up i wouldn't want to be the one to be blamed) or maybe i've accepted that life isn't really about doing what you like doing but it's about doing what is right for you. That's a funny thought, coz after all what is the point of living if you really can't do what you want and are always bound by rights and wrongs. Then again, if doing whatever made people happy wasn't really in the interest of the greater population around then wudn't the world reach that doomsday many aeons in advance? Guess it all boils down to the 'It Depends on the kind of thing you like doing' rule. So let me start by trying to figure out(yeah 'figure out' coz i haven yet 'figured it out') what is it that i like doing.
Ok.. so what kind of a job is it that i like doing..? Actually thats a tough one.. Maybe i wouldn't mind working in school or something teaching kids and watching them grow up. Their innocence is really appealing. More like the place i'd like to be due to the obvious lack of politics there. I like to play by the rules and hate all the hand-round-the-neck paths everyone needs to take at some or the other point of life while working in a corporate world. I would also like to settle away in a countryside somewhere in Ireland or Scotland or someplace. A place surrounded by lush green grass and mountains. Maybe a forest also along that hill yonder. Also a small lake or river sticking around some where in the vicinity. Then i would like a jaw-droppingly pretty and brain-rackingly wise girl by my side.
Ok.. maybe i just asked the moon or maybe the entire solar system. It would be tough for even god to find a girl who satisfies both the criteria. But heck!!! We are discussing what i'd like. So we'll rule out practical possibilities here. All right.. back to the girl. I'd like to have a nice big house where the both of us could just sit in the evenings or during holidays and discuss any damn issue we could think of.
Maybe a slight alteration.. i'm not too much into talking. So i'd rather listen while she talks.
Then i'd like to have a dog. A sweet little thing thats too puny to even walk properly. And another one thats too large to be tethered to a leash. I wouldn't mind a squirrel also and also a python slithering around somewhere.. Big dog eat small dog and python eat squirrel.. :D just kidding. Again please ignore the obvious lack of practicality of this whole scenario and lets just assume that no one eats any one or thing.
And maybe wouldn't mind having super powers like superman. i could spend my nights fighting whatever devilish creation Lexy would come up with. And only my girl would know the secret... :P

OK OK.. Get back to the reason i'm writing this. Lets get this done with. After the girl and the house.. well i guess thats it. Not too interested in fancy bungalows or helicopters or private jets.
So to get this i could take up the post of a school teacher in scotland (or smallville.. :p) and wait for that girl. But now comes the important thing. How likely am i to follow this route? I know what i want and i know what i could get(maybe a 6 figure package when im done with my MS). Now the obvious question is do i have it in me to give up my present, sort of secured, life to go achieve something thats not so flashy but nevertheless keeps me happy. The obvious response from readers should be 'Yeah bro.. go get them'. But i'd beg to differ.

Lets try and get as practical about the thing as we possibly could. How long would it be before the whole novelty of this entire scenario runs off and i begin to look upon my life as normal. And when that happens i'm gonna probably stop appreciating every thing i've got. obviously, no one can appreciate the same thing all through their life. And when that happens, the very reason behind choosing this life is lost. If it was all about just passing life away, i'd very well do it in my monthly 6-figure life. No reason behind giving it all up for this one. So maybe i'd still go ahead with that corporate job of mine and have this life as a picture in my mind. A picture of hope that i'd probably live this life someday, a picture of something i cherish doing and a picture of something thats still so pure and novel. That way i'd atleast have something to keep my hopes going when everythings beyond comprehension. Guess that makes sense. I'd still try and live this life. But not yet. Maybe when i'm older and wiser and can learn to appreciate beauty eternally, then i would be ready and truly desrving for such a life.

The Passing

Its been a really long time since my last post. Never found time to write something. And when i did, never could think of a topic to write upon. Still can't think of anything to write about. So decided to just write in whatever came into my mind. Lets just start with the first thing i can catch hold of.
I'm done with engineering. I am now officially an 'Engineer'. It feels funny though, the thought that i'm actually an engineer. Gives me this feeling of being all grown up. Guess the reason is that as a kid i really admired engineers. An engineer sounded so cool and polished to me. Never really dreamt of becoming an engineering. Not too much into dreaming about goals and stuff.. Not yet developed enough for things like that. But then now that i'm professionaly qualified, i feel that the whole 'still growing up' phase is over after all. And whats ridiculous is even though i know the reason behind my emotions right now, i still am not able to stop them. I could land up a job with my degree and start working in an office. Something i'd spent most of my childhood dreaming about. A life free from books and studies. Where there are no teachers to reprimand you or no parents to wake you up early in the morning even on holidays and force you to study. Studies i still find distasteful. Thats something that would probably never change. But then i feel weird having almost done with it. I had enjoyed my engineering. Never had a blast of my life. But then i end up enjoying most things that aren't disastrous.
I spent my entire engg in the corner most seat of the class. Never bothered getting all too chummy wid da guys(and the girls also to an extent.. :p). Just the regular 'sup dude..?' and 'cool then' thing. Not because i'm a schizophreniac or somethin(atleast i don't think so.. 'Mental' mebbe but definitely not 'schizophrenic'.. :D ) But coz i felt like enjoying the action from the sidelines. More room to maneuver and more freedom from protocols. I already had my set of dependable friends. So i din't really feel all too left out and all. The place was cool... last row last bench last seat. Finished quite a few novels there whenever i wasn't playing the greatest game on desk.. 'pen-dash', not a very creative name i know but couldn't think up anything myself, with my bench mates. Had my winning moments and lost quite a few times. We listened to the ipod sneaking the ear plugs through our shirts and getting it out from behind the neck.. And sometimes the weather outside would make the entire scenery around the college look like a painters dream. Oh yeah.. tried my hand at painting too.. Never been a great artist but for some reason this one drawing came out reeeeal good... atleast in the photo. maybe bcoz of the green color i used or the size of the paper or the quality of the photo.. whatever it was, it came out cool.
Boy!!! Where am i going.. No idea of where i'm heading. Just plain lost. i can't even decide where to go. I am a true Libran after all.. Master of Confusion. But then who cares where i'm going. As far as i know i'm the only one who reads this blog and senselessness is good for me. guess ill try uploading that drawing of mine up here..

Ahhh!!!! Doesn't look all too great.. crappy actually.. but den its my art. spent an entire 'Management information Systems' class to make that up. If this is the best i cud do den i don't mind putting it up. Really loved the tree though.. came out cool..